I saw my counciler this morning, and my assignment is to delve into my mind and find my methods for “Stinkin’ Thinkin’” I recieved a list of the top ten types of these, and went through and saw what applied to me. I need to realize when I’m starting to go down one of these paths, stop, and change direction. I need to make myself do what I don’t think I can or am completely unmotivated to do. These are what I’ve been able to relate to so far:
All-or-nothing thinking: You see things in black-or-white categories. If a situation falls short of perfect, you see it as a total failure. When a young woman on a diet ate a spoonful of icecream, she told herself, “I’ve blown my diet completely.” This thought upset her so much that she gobbled down an entire quart of icecream.
Overgeneralization: You see a single negative even, such as a romantic rejection or a career reversal, as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as “always” or “never” when you think about it.
Jumping to conclusions: You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion. Mind reading: Without checking it out, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you. Fortune-telling: You predict that things will turn our badly. Before a test you may tell yourself, “I’m really going to blow it. What if I flunk?” If you’re depressed you may tell yourself, “I’ll never get better.”
Magnification: You exaggerate the importance of your problems and shortcomings, or you minimize the importance of your desirable qualities. This is also called the “binocular trick”.
Emotional reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necesarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel terrified about going on airplanes. It must be very dangerous to fly.” or, “I feel guilty, I mist be a rotten person.” Or, “I feel angry. This proves that I’m being treated unfairly.” Or, “I feel so inferior. This means I’m a second rate person.” Or, “I feel hopeless. I must really be hopeless.”
“Should” statements: You tell yourself that thing should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. After playing a difficult piece on the piano, a gifted pianist told herslef, “I shouldn’t have made so many mistakes.” This made her so disgusted that she quit practicing for several days. “Musts,” “oughts” and “Have tos” are similar offenders. “Should statements” that are directed against yourself lead to guilt and frustration. Should statements that are directed against other people or the world in general, lead to anger and frustration: “He shouldn’t be so stubborn and argumentative!” Many people try to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they were deliquents who had to be punished before they could be expected to do anything. “I shouldn’t eat that doughnut.” This usually doesn’t work because all these shoulds and musts make you feel rebellious and you get the urge to do just the opposite.
Labeling: Labeling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying “I made a mistake,” you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” You might also label yourself as “a fool” or “a failure” or “a jerk.” Labeling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you do. Human beings exist, but “fools” “losers” and “jerks” do not. These labels are just useless abstractions that lead to anger, anxiety, frustration, and low self-esteem. You may also label others. When someone does something that rubs you the wrong way, you may tell yourself: “He’s a (fill in the blank).” Then you feel like the problem is with that person’s “character” or “essence” instead of their thinking or behavior. You see them as totally bad. This makes you feel hostile and hopeless about improving things and leaves very little room for constructive communication.
Personalization and blame: Personalization comes when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn’t entirely under your control.
Obviously, not all of these examples apply to me, but they are similar to something else. This has helped me a lot in realizing the way negative thoughts pollute my mind without me even realizing it. My homework is to discover which of these ways I think, and realize when one of these things comes into my head, and then stop it short. I also got a visual of a cycle that needs to be broken. There is an activating event, which leads to thoughts/cognitions, which leads to feelings/emotions, which leads to behavior/actions. I can put a stop to this cycle at the thoughts/cognitions stage and the behavior/actions stage. My counciler warned me that when I become aware of this I will also become much more aware of with other people are having “stinkin’ thinkin’” and that I don’t want to always be the annoying person to point it out, lol.
Also, when we were talking about my spiritual life, he asked me a very profound question that I can’t get off my mind. “If we could see God’s face, what do you think his expression would be towards you?” I had to think a long time and I’m still not sure if I’m right, and I will never be 100% sure in this life, because I can’t see his face. I think I would see concern, maybe some frustration at my misunderstandings, but I know that He is compassionate, and is giving me every opportunity to lean on Him and use his strength…I just need to see it and take it.
